Thursday, December 13, 2007

How to lose weight for dummies?

Ah, recently, a bunch of my friends both male and female are complaining that they are too fat, and need to lose some weight. Inspired by them, I will now
write about weight loss in my blog, hoping that ladies and gentlemen, you guys can achieve your desired targets. Ah the irony of it all, weight loss in a
food blog.

Well peeps who have know me from the past, will always remember me as this bubbly superbly chubby cute bespectacled young guy. Well, now that I have grown up,
I still am the same guy, but trying to change the chubby to fit. Throughout my life, I tested many of the weight loss on myself (not all), the ever-so-unwilling
Guinea pig, and for the first time ever, the public and my friends can view em for their own pleasure!

1)Be a hero (or heroine), extract 4 wisdom tooth at the same time. Every morning , you will be full, as the blood flow from the sugery will seep to your
throat. Disgusting iron copper taste of your own decomposing blood turns you off from a normal meal. Anyway, even if you want to eat, it is damn hard.

Good for around 5kg or so.

2)Weight-loss pills, sometimes they work, sometimes they don't. But one thing I can confirm with you all, it is gonna burn a freaking hole in your pockets
and it ain't healthy at all. You get irritated and pissed off with others, and you may get constipation and cannot pang sai.

Good for a few kgs, but mostly water fats. I seriously recommend not to use this method at all. Totally.

3)The aktins diet. Eat more meat and vegetables, and skip the carbs. This method in my opinion totally suck ass. It screws your mood up, and eating meat all
day long can't be good for your Pang Sai routine. check for bad breath also. Instead, I recommend you to eat less rice, not totally skip it and go for
grained breads instead of the normal white ones.

Good for a couple of kgs I guess.

4)The amputation method. Cut off your arm, or leg.

Good for maybe 10 kgs?

5)The best and the last method of all. 4 words. "Eat less, exercise more". It is that simple. You don't have to rely on any miracle drug or something. Just
eat less, exercise more. Drink 8 cups of plain water a day. This method is the simpliest, yet still the hardest. Cause it depends on how much you want to
do it. You can tell yourself you want to get 6 pack, yet for the past few months, you did no crunches at all. I also want to strike toto every weekend.
Go out don't drink soft drinks, drink green tea or plain water.
And if you don't suck at cooking, trying making your own stuff to eat. You can control how much oil and the stuff you eat etc.

Good for ____ kgs. (fill in the blanks yourselves)

Are you Polar Bear enough?

If you don't want to look like a polar bear, you got to set out to achieve your goals.

Gay lord mok with eyes censored

But, that aside, a great man, Mok, once told me this "If you don't gain weight,how will you lose weight?". When he said this to me, I was so impressed with
his words that it became my righteous path in keeping fit and eating happily at the same time. Thus.....I still eat chocolates. But I don't eat tibits lar.

Pretty lady who loves to crap
(chio bu is dun pang sai one - courtesy from hardwarezone forums)

Also, inspired by another great lady Laura, it is wise to Pang Sai at least 2 or 3 times per day. Pang Sai is good! Eat more fruits! And vegetables for fibre. Constipation away, and move with the flow!

Disclaimer : Yadda yadda, if you die or suffer any emotional or physical damages using my methods, this disclaimer is to tell you. it isn't my fault you are dumb or suay, so paiseh lor.

Last but not least, no Gaylords, pretty girls, or polar bear were harmed in the name of research for this blog.


At December 13, 2007 at 8:57 PM , Blogger Euro Techno Go said...

chiobu don't dig nose or fart one !


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