Sunday, March 15, 2009


I am not afraid of idiots, as it is all right to be an idiot in my opinion. But what I fear is that when you peel the mask off the face of anybody, what they are hiding underneath is not a idiotic looking grin, but a sneer.

Around a decade ago, one of my buddies once stated that I sucked at judging people’s characters. Years later, I matured and I developed an uncanny sense of seeing a person’s real character. But this is a totally useless ability. It didn’t bring joy to me, but instead, endless agony. I am able to see the darkest region of a person’s heart through a lot of observation, and I am always goddamn accurate.

I am able to guess things before I am told, just because I take notice of my surroundings. I realized that people are prone to doing the same things over and over again, without realizing it at all.

Why have it not brought me any joy, but instead suffering? When you realized the true extend of the word “ugly” would you be able to understand me. Sometimes I get turned off, but a few times, I am truly disgusted and revolted by the way another human being is thinking. And this scares the crap out of me.

I fear that I would become like the ugliest mind I see also. I already know that I will never ever be a saint, but I do not want to have an ugly face when my smile is torn down also. I fear that one day, I will become the kind of person I despised the most.

I fear knowing how people think.

I fear thinking.

And I fear that people are unable to see what I see. It is always not too good to know so much.

I hope I am insane, so at least the odds of me being wrong is higher.

I am tired.


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