Sunday, January 27, 2008

The tale of a chubby pig in a wig,and the chummy friends she meet.

Once upon a time,extremely long ago,in the kingdom of SInkapura,there was a very very special little piglet.Like every other piglet,she stuff her face all day long in the pig trough all day long squealing like a stuck hog for more leftovers.She also enjoys just lazing about with her piggy brothers and sisters all day long in the mud.But one day,everything changes.This little tubby lardball was playing around in the garbage bin one day when she found herself a new toy.She found herself a wig with some rotting vegetables sticking out of it.After eating the vegetables,she decided to wear the wig,and started to admire her own reflection in the pond,thinking that she looks very fine and dandy indeed.

The pig in the wig decided to go around to show her friends in the animal farm her new look,and due to her extremely stupid brain,she was expecting appluase from other farm animals.To her extreme annoyance,not only didn't her friends the sheep,the horse,the rat,the donkey,the goose and the chicken clap their hands(They had no hands at all in the first place),they try to coax her out of her stupidity.They always knew their poor friend is both lazy and stupid,but being such nice animals,they always keep a look out for her,but of course she only rewarded them by gobbling their grub.The pig thinking that since she has a wig now,she looks just like a human being,so she wanted to go out of the farm,and go to the village square for shopping like the mistress does.

All her friend's advices fall on deaf ears,as the pig flee the farm on her extremely short stubby legs.On her way to the village square,she heard something that coincidently sounded just like a stuck hog again(due to the narrator being unable to find a better term for the tale) and what she saw was a female wild hog(boar) who got her head stucked in a drain while trying to eat the apples that roll down the drain.This stupid little pig in a wig,but ever so helpful,started to push and pull,tickle and lick,the wild hog out of the drain.

The wild hog,ever so gratful became instantly great friends with the pig in the wig.Since the wild hog was stupid enough to get her pretty little head stuck in a drain,we can assume that she is frankly speaking,just as stupid as the pig in a wig.Espcially when the whole floor is filled with apples,and she decided to go for the ones in the drain,emphasises on how damn stupid she is,and her stubborness is quite legendary too,to get her head in that far without pulling it out when she feels it getting too tight for her comfort.NOOOOOOOOO,she just want apples.

The two companions continued down their long route and on the way,they came across a malayan sun bear,and a kung fu monkey fighting over a round cheese.Hideous looking pig in the wig decided to help them solve the whole problem,but suggesting that the cake be divided into 4 pieces,so everyone can share a equal piece,which is very shrewd of her for once in her life(She is clever only when it comes to food).The kung fu monkey and the malayan sun bear agreed to her proposal,cause they are frankly kind of tired from such a long tedious battle,and they aren't that smart too,and they saw the pointed husks of the wild hog and her greedy little piggy eggs staring at the cheese,with drool dripping out,and a ugly little fat pig in a wig with decomposing smell is enough to make anybody feel sick enough not to eat cheese.

After consuming the meal in 3 secs,the two pigs and their new found companions were thinking about the next step to proceed,when the wild hog,the miserable little whiner started to complain about her empty tummy.The pig in a wig has a brillant suggestion!Why not let them go inside a human's house to eat the food,since she has a wig,she practically looked human!

"What an excellent suggestion!" all of her companions exclaimed in mock excitment just to get her to shut her trap(Except for the wild hog,who was really excited about food).It was at this moment,the goose who was teaching chicken how to fly,caught a glimpse of them heading in the direction of a random villager house,swoop down to warn them against doing anything really stupid.

But the stubborn pig in a wig said "if you are not with us,you are against us!You are just jealous that I look human.F@#$ off,you son of the b*%#@!".The goose knowing that his advices were futile,flew back home to tell the others to prepare 4 coffins,as he wanted them to have a decent burial at the very least.

The bear,the kung fu monkey,the hog,and the pig in the wig managed to sneak into the house,but their clumyness managed to wake up the owner of the house.Although we have 4 decent animals here that can do some sizable damage to a human being,the owner is conveniently for the purpose of this tale,a accomplised hunter with a loaded shotgun.All 4 animal died in a hail of shotgun pellets.The owner who very unfortunately being chinese,ate all the 4 pitifull creatures with gusto.

It was a sad end for the pig in the wig,but in the process,she drag 3 random animals with her,who if they were not eaten by the chinese hunter,would also die rather soon due to other predators.

The morale of the story,is that if you are a pig,and you wear a stupid wig,you are still going to be fried bacon in the very end.


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