I am tired

I am tired, tired of everything, tired of acting the role that I took upon myself. Perhaps it is my own fault, for being one that is naive, for trying to be somebody that I never was.

I did not realized that smiling could be so hard, pretending to smile, while you feel something tore apart inside you. It feels raggard somehow, am I running away cause I am afraid of losing something that is almost as vital to me as air itself? I fear that the hole would become too big and never could be repaired in the future.

FUCK. 24 years of life, and I don't even know myself. If I have to blame, I can only blame myself. I wonder if I fall, how long would it take for me to reach the floor.

How long can I live a lie, I wonder. Would it be, forever?