The day I walked like Michael Jackson.

You know those kind of days where everything is supposed to go wrong? Today seem to be one of those freaking damn days. First I woke up late, couldn’t go for a jog, and I set 8 alarms. I went for my tuition and it started raining leaving me like a wet chicken.

But the best part is coming soon, I was going to meet a friend of mine to pass her some notes she kindly loaned to me. I was going to be fashionably late, so I had to do things with a sense of urgency, like what Army taught us. At the exact same moment, an urge to go to the gents overcome me also, and between wetting my pants and being late for an extra 2 minutes, I decided to go for the former option. Happily, the first two toilets I went to were going through cleaning at the same time, so I had to go to the top floor.

You can be absolutely sure by the time I relive myself, I was almost pissing my pants. But okay, after doing my business and unzipping my pants, I found out that I couldn’t pull it up at all. I was stupid enough to not unzip everything,, and the belt was still buckled. In my overzealous attempt to not take too long, I started to tug at my zipper, really really hard. And it was a really really stupid idea. I hear a ripping sound and my zipper was unfortunately spoiled.

I tried to repair it in the toilet for 1/2 an hour, and it wasn’t a really pleasant experience. With no progress at all, I had to cancel my appointment with my friend, I just wanted to pass her some notes, not to give her any free shows at all. Had to go home with a book over my crotch like Michael Jackson all the way, and it wasn’t a very fun experience. He did it with style. I walked like a swan on dry land.

I probably flashed a few aunties unconsciously but on the bright side, I wore a pair of nice underwear, I guess.

I am tired

I am tired, tired of everything, tired of acting the role that I took upon myself. Perhaps it is my own fault, for being one that is naive, for trying to be somebody that I never was.

I did not realized that smiling could be so hard, pretending to smile, while you feel something tore apart inside you. It feels raggard somehow, am I running away cause I am afraid of losing something that is almost as vital to me as air itself? I fear that the hole would become too big and never could be repaired in the future.

FUCK. 24 years of life, and I don't even know myself. If I have to blame, I can only blame myself. I wonder if I fall, how long would it take for me to reach the floor.

How long can I live a lie, I wonder. Would it be, forever?