Monday, August 25, 2008

Goddamn it

Why is it taking like 2 hours for me just to pick up the bloody phone to call you?

You strike more fear into me than a hissy cat on pms.

Got to get rid of this fear of calling girls on the phone.Goddamn it.

Friday, August 22, 2008

Dear God

I know it isn't very nice of me to have this small minor request of you now,cause I am neither a buddhist,christian,catholic,muslim and I am definately not a Jew.

Happily,I am neither an aethist or a member of a santanic cult too.So if you exist,pls hear me out.

It is like 8.30am now,and I got a leadership management test in around 6 hours.I didn't study that much.And I went for a pathetic fireworks display the night before.

If you have it in your heart to forgive me and allow me a great grade,I promise you,I will feed the next few kittens I see.

If even that doesn't sway you,I will also give up eating any chocolates(it is as good as giving up my secret heroin addiction) for the next week or so.
Please,even if you don't like me that much,pity me.

(P.S-Just incase I die of red bull overdose,please let me through the pearly gates even though I am neither baptised nor circumcised)

Thursday, August 21, 2008

Checklist for ladies.

Check List to check if your dude is an asshole

First,to clear the misconception that handsome dudes are all arseholes,and butt-ugly dudes have a heart of gold,I have came across a few incidents when the handsome dude is infact extremely nice(no,I am not talking about myself here) while the butt-ugly guy has a character even more butt-ugly than his face,if that is possible.

I know it is rather hard for ladies to judge if a man is an arsehole, so I decided to aid you girls by coming out with a checklist!

1)He has verbally assaulted you.I know it is hard to judge if a man has verbally assaulted u.
Remember "Darling,the dress is 1 size too small for you" doesn't count as verbal assault.
Verbal assault is "Hey PIGGY,go roll in the mud and don't waste my money on that dress."
The tone of his voice is important also.

2)He likes to shrink away from his responsibilities.If he couldn't be counted on to take care of himself,or his promise to you,what happens if you get shotgunned?

3)He likes to flirt around.Harmless random flirting is fine,but not those flirting that lead to him sleeping on a friend's bed.That,is not flirting,it is cheating.

4)He always say he will change,promising you the sky and the moon,but as we all know,a leopard will never change his spots,and Jessica Alba is forever the most beautiful woman in the entire universe.

5)He make you cry.Not due to you being touched by what he has done for you.Nor the kind of korean drama situation when he is dying from a wasting disease and you are by his bed crying your eyes out and suddenly,news came to you that he is infact....your twin brother that has been seperated at birth from you.NO.Not that also.

Rather,he make you feel hurt in your heart,and despair.A real man will never make a woman he loves cry.Infact,a real man will never make any woman cry.

6)Physical assault.Yeah,physical abuse,if you suffered physical abuse,immediately kick that son-of-the-bitch out of your life.A man that hits a woman is no man at all.Vice versa also for the sake of beaten up husbands everywhere.

7)Edison Chen.He is emulating what Edison Chen did to the poor girls.Lets hope he didn't share the pictures around.Any man that does that,frankly,be very careful,you have no idea what he is gonna do with the pictures.

8)His refusal to give you his last mouth of Ben and Jerry.....

Important fact here,to see if a dude is a good man,all you need to do is to zao geng infront of him.There is 3 kind of scenories.

1)His avoidence to look in your direction and attempts to block u for outsider views,or he warn you about your 'opps'. <---This is one of the best guy ever.

2)He keep stealing glances,not telling you anything,but enjoying the magnificent view you are providing for him,sometimes showing hint of a small smile..<-----Gone case,this guy,has gone to the dogs.

3)He looks at you,mouth open so widely that 2 mosquitos can fly in and do an aerial loop.<-----For this situation,I have to apologise for the poor dude.It is your beauty and radiance that dissolved his mind into a blubbering mess.He could be actually a rather nice guy,but for that moment,his reasoning has turned to mush,he can't concentrate on anything else due to the one serious flaw god did when he created men.

He gave man two heads but only enough blood to operate a single head each time.

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

The post about love

Today, Mr. Alvin Chua will attempt to lecture about the forbidden 4-lettered word, the word L-O-V-E, or 爱情.

This word is extremely unique; it makes people do things they normally don’t, like dancing around in the rain, grinning from ear-to-ear. Or the person may do something really insane, like murder his or her rival in a fit of jealousy, or die for their lovers when they are required to do so. In short, we have to agree that love is rather stupid, especially if you love the other person more.

Okay, there is many people that believed in love at first sight, especially girls, who always wanted to meet the prince charming of their lives, a dude is full of wit, handsome, charming, filled with charisma, drives, cooks up a storm in the kitchen, rich, and isn’t afraid of being seen as a sensitive new age guy by reading her world., and the best part is they got a great voice and are musically inclined, they can play Canon D on the piano etc. This kind of guy exists, but sad for the ladies, they usually do their shopping at New Urban Male, and they don’t shop there for the excellent choice of clothes, but more for the tanned hunky male assistants…..We conclude here that God is truly fair to give us lesser men a fighting chance.

Okay, back to point, love at first sight, it DOESN’T EXIST AT ALL! OMGAWD!

Why? Love at first sight, means what? You see the other person, your face starts to get really red, and you start to feel really hot. Congrats. You are just feeling really horny. It you still think it is love at first sight, ask yourself this simple question, would you donate your kidney to this person you just saw? No? It is just Lust at first sight, thank you.

Love is when you are willing to sacrifice something for somebody, like giving her your favorite Ben and Jerry ice cream, or willingness to endure physical body pain, like yoga class with your better half, to wrestling a crocodile to save him or her. That is love. You can’t love somebody within a space of 10 min. You don’t even understand the person, much less love them. Love is knowing the other party, and liking them, and spending a lifetime trying to know the reason why you like her in the first place.

The important thing about love is that, we must always bear in our minds that, religion and love, can’t mix. Don’t ever give an ultimate to the other person, “you are either with me, or you are against my religion and you don’t love me enough”. Instead, you are the one being terribly selfish. Screw your bitchy friends that ask to separate with your better half because they refused to join your religion yeah? God says it is good to love, so love freely without any restrictions.

I know a lot of people like to hang on to past relationships here, especially the girls. They are often naïve enough to imagine that their asshole son-of-the-bitch ex-asshole boyfriend will one fine day, see the light and come crying back to them. Sadly girls, stop dreaming, really, I understand your feelings here, I really do. But a leopard can’t change its spots, even if you give them a marker pen, because their paws can’t grab markers. Stop being a life buoy to them for god’s sake. What are you? You are just somebody dangling along on his false hope to you that he will change, but you are only there is he can’t find any other ladies, so he will come flying back to you. You are really worth much more than that you understand?

For the sad lonely souls out there who have never tasted love, maybe you guys are the lucky ones.

Is it better to not tasted love at all, or is it better to know love and lose it?

Saturday, August 16, 2008

Super duper THEORIES of the universe

A interesting topic to ponder today. If a girl is in love with money, and I know how to make money, is she indirectly in love with me? A lot of girls say she only loves money, and not me. But look at it this way, when asked the reason why do they like their boyfriends, many reasons were given like,

1) He is handsome
2) I admire him for his talent (Piano, Singing, tap dancing etc)
3) He is really nice

So let just assume that after being with him, and one fine day, assuming you like him cause he knows piano, and he is involved with an accident. Would you still love him after that? Actually, we can put

4) He got load of money

as a 4th point here. But perhaps my male friend sum things up the best. To know if she loves you or your money, you just have to go and die, and leave her your money. If she rejoiced, you are really screwed beside being dead.

A woman,if she seeks money in a relationship,and a guy seeking a beautiful face and a hot body,is actually not that bad according to science.Imagine us to be animals(actually,we are animals),the woman wants a mate that can provide for her young.The guy wants a beautiful mate to make sure his genes are pass down.So next time you see a materlistic woman or a guy goes for the face,pls understand them. They are only animals.

Another part of today’s discussion is Olympic medals and us. Seriously, who gives a damn about whatever medal we get? Not that I am racist, but it seems to me we are buying the medals. They played for Singapore due to their requirement for liquid cash, and we are happy with their medals. It is just a damn transaction.

It is like you paying another man to have a kid with your wife, and you feel damn happy about it, when you get a kid. No matter what happens, you are still screwed in one way or another, except for this situation, your wife is the one getting s…… you kinda get the analogy already.

Saturday, August 9, 2008


I do not have any source of inspiration for any more posts anymore.

Oh damn,am I finally turning normal?Well,since I am no longer emo,nor eccentric for the past 37.4 hours and 13 sec,I will post about one of my lifelong loves.

Chocolates,lucious delicious creamy mouth watering melt in your mouth and taste so good that you have the I-died-and-went-to heaven kinda expression on your face

There was a really rough patch in my life.I was bogged down with my studies,and many personal issues.Things were spiraling downhill for me a a extremely rapid rate.I was losing control of what was happening around me,and at the rate things were going,I was seriously considering sucide,but I am kinda afraid of pain.(okay,slightly exaggerated here,but you get the rough idea)

It was almost like PMS for guys,except that there isn't any blood thankfully.

I used to not believe in day,I tasted my first piece of Godiva Chocolates.It was,really good.It almost moved me to tears.

The softness I felt when my world is disarray,the beacon of light in my state of confusion,were all gone in an instance.I no longer felt as if I am moving around in the dark with nobody to guide my way.The taste envoloping my mouth,was like the warm embrace of a mother and her child.The lingering taste of cacao long after the chocolate was consumed was like the faint taste of a lover's last kiss after a breakup.

The memory was good, was really sad.But it taught me,like all good things,bad things will come to an end also.

Therefore,in honour of that memory,I decided to eat chocolates everyday if possible.

Wednesday, August 6, 2008

Stability results were moderately high which suggests you are relaxed, calm, secure, and optimistic.
Orderliness results were moderately low which suggests you are, at times, overly flexible, improvised, and fun seeking at the expense of reliability, work ethic, and long term accomplishment.
Extraversion results were moderately high which suggests you are, at times, overly talkative, outgoing, sociable and interacting at the expense of developing your own individual interests and internally based identity. trait snapshot:
social, outgoing, worry free, optimistic, upbeat, tough, likes large parties, makes friends easily, rarely irritated, open, enjoys leadership, trusting, dominant, thrill seeker, strong, does not like to be alone, assertive, mind over heart, confident, controlling, feels desirable, likes the spotlight, loves food, social chameleon, hard working, concerned about others

Advanced Global Personality Test Results
Extraversion |||||||||||||||| 62%
Stability |||||||||||||||| 66%
Orderliness |||||||||||| 42%
Accommodation |||||||||||||| 54%
Interdependence |||||| 30%
Intellectual |||||||||||||||| 66%
Mystical |||||||||||||||| 70%
Artistic |||||| 30%
Religious |||||| 30%
Hedonism |||||||||||||||| 63%
Materialism |||||||||||||||| 63%
Narcissism |||||||||||||||| 70%
Adventurousness |||||||||||||||| 70%
Work ethic |||||||||||| 50%
Humanitarian |||||||||||||||| 70%
Conflict seeking |||||||||||||||||| 76%
Need to dominate |||||||||||||||| 70%
Romantic |||||||||||||||||| 76%
Avoidant |||||||||||| 43%
Anti-authority |||||||||||||| 56%
Wealth |||||||||||| 43%
Dependency |||||||||||||| 56%
Change averse |||||| 30%
Cautiousness |||||||||||||| 56%
Individuality |||||||||||||||| 70%
Sexuality |||||||||||| 43%
Peter pan complex |||||||||||||| 56%
Family drive |||||||||||||||| 70%
Physical Fitness |||||||||||||||| %
Histrionic |||||||||||||||| 63%
Paranoia |||||||||||| 43%
Vanity |||||||||||||||||| 76%
Honor |||||||||||| 50%
Thriftiness |||||| 30%
Take Free Advanced Global Personality Test
personality test by